During my time for a university campus, a place that is often tricky navigate permission and intimate attack, we saw the way in which sex had been washed of its necessarily gluey nuances, and instead paid off to mutually exclusive dualisms of cis attacker and cis target. In new-student orientations, the testimonies sent to quivering first-years had been often from heterosexual white ladies. The trainers invoked stories of rape by which victims begged their assaulters within the “active, ” or top, jobs to get rid of penetrating them. I happened to be implicitly instructed that the penetrated is often in the verge to be violated.
It’s a good idea, then, that topping could be fraught using the anxiety of accomplishing harm. Octavia said that is another right part of why she’s hesitant about topping cis ladies. In those moments, she worries, “imagine if my topping is linked to energy dynamics? Imagine if there will be something wrong by what i will be doing? ” Her fear is due to the possibility of violating her partners—and that, if she had been to unknowingly break a cis girl, she will be implicitly placed as a person by means of the principal rape narrative that dictates just penetrative intercourse become rape, and only men hurt females.
Topping and bottoming are bound up in relations of energy. That’s why principal and roles that are submissive that are clearly focused on deliberate exchanges of energy, in many cases are conflated with topping and bottoming, correspondingly. We don’t top possibly because We don’t get my kicks through the energy that topping promises, like real control or dominance that is interpersonal. But I don’t, by itself, find energy regarding the bottom, nor do I always wish to.